Monday, December 18, 2006

Modern cars are rubbish

When I was a young man finding somewhere where I could be alone with my girlfriend for a little - shall we say - romantic interlude was always a problem.

When I lived with my parents I had my room, but it was a busy house and there was little chance of a kiss and cuddle not being disturbed. Especially as my room was right next to the toilet!

When I moved out I shared a 2 bed flat with 3 other young men. There was absolutely no chance of privacy whatsoever.

There was, however, always one place where we could snog in peace and relative security. My car.

For much of my courting years I drove a 1974 Vauxhall Viva which was a reasonably large car - enough to make having a cuddle with the girlfriend a pleasant experience - despite the passion killing vinyl and front seats that did not fully recline!

This came to mind recently following a rare night out for me and Mrs Stan. Mrs Stan, despite being of a similar age to myself, is still a gorgeous woman with a figure that puts many 20 year olds to shame. A couple of weeks back we attended Mrs Stan's works Christmas dinner at a restaurant which wasn't very far from the "lover's lane" I used to frequent when I had the Viva.

Being the gent I am, I drove so that Mrs Stan could enjoy a couple of glasses of wine. Anyway, after a very jolly night we said our goodbyes and with Mrs Stan looking so very beautiful and the kids tucked up at home with the baby sitter I suggested that we relive our youth at the local lovers lane - Mrs Stan was happy to oblige. Off we went and parked up.

And that's when I wished I had my old Vauxhall Viva. It's big wide seats and the lack of clutter between them made romance simple and pleasant. Modern cars just aren't built for romance. The huge dashboards, low seats and obtrusive centre consoles provide a very substantial barrier to good old fashioned snogging - and at my age I'm just not as flexible as I once was. The back seats were occupied by they child booster seats as required by the good old EU directives so they were out of the question. After several attempts and frequent fits of giggles, we gave up and went home.

There's no doubt that modern cars are far superior to the those I had available when I was young, but when it comes to courting - modern cars are rubbish!


Tom Tyler said...

This reminds me of an "embarrassing moment" I had several years ago. In the street I was living in then, there were no wheelie bins - we'd all just plonk our bin bags outside on the street. Time after time, someone used to keep leaving their binbag outside my house, instead of their own.
Returning home one night, there it was again, someone else's binbag left outside MY house! I stood and looked at it for, I dunno, 30 seconds, just pondering: "Why can't that person leave their stupid binbag outside their OWN bloody door?" Lost in thought, I was gazing intently at it, my fingers stroking my chin. Then I looked up slightly and I noticed that, just behind the binbag, in the same line of vision, a car was parked and two young people were busy having a bit of a snog together in it. Just as I noticed them, they looked at me, and on seeing their faces, I realised that it must have seemed like I had been staring intently right at them!
Aaaargh! I made some sort of "no, I wasn't looking at's not...errr...aaaahh" gesture and disappeared into my house as fast as I could!!

Dick Turpin said...

When I was at college in the 70's, I had a holiday job as a university security guard. My duties included patrolling the many car parks in a van. One night, I put my full beam on a lonely Austin Mini in a far corner. A man got out and back in to the drivers seat pulling his trousers up, leaving his girlfriends legs wide apart, ankles through the two hand straps. He drove off at speed looking like a mobile baby delivery room.

Do modern cars still have those straps? If not, why not?

James said...

Sometimes it can be detirmined by the car as some people are attracted to sports cars. Personally I would rather have an old car to buy parts from a Vauxhall breakers yard are very expensive some older cars are much more affordable.