Watch out! He's got a mince pie and he's not afraid to use it

Anyone remember Benny Hill?

Back in the early 70's, Benny - an incredibly popular but utterly un-PC comedian - had a hit with a song about a milkman called Ernie. Ernie's nemesis was a baker by the name of Ted who fought a duel with Ernie for the affections of a lonely housewife who's name escapes me. Ted won the duel smiting Ernie with a stale pork pie - and Ernie bit the dust.

This was, of course, all in jest. Dangerous killer pies? How silly. Not any more. The organisers of a small Dales village Christmas party have been ordered to carry out a risk assessment of their mince pies and display warnings that they may contain nuts and suet.

They also have to check the cocoa content and temperature of the hot chocolate!

Benny faded into obscurity and died a lonely (but still very wealthy) man in a modest house. Most people believed that political correctness killed off Benny's career. Not true - it just reached the point where reality is so ridiculous it was no longer possible to parody anymore.