Merry Christmas and thank you!

More years ago than I care to remember, I was a van driver with the much maligned white van. Every driver of that era understood that there were certain essentials for a van driver - a sort of van drivers code.

First of all, always wear a tight t-shirt.
Second, always drive with the drivers window wound down and one arm on the ledge.
Always, say "Hullo, darling!" to the pretty blonde in the Triumph Spitfire who pulls up beside you at the lights.
Always beep and wave at the school girls as they come out of the local comprehensive (best accompanied by bouncing the rear axle if you still had the rear drive Tranny.
Finally, never ever clean your van until the boss threatens you with the sack if you don't.

The last rule meant that the van was usually covered in a layer of dirt into which various wags would scribe their witticisms - most of which would be unrepeatable.

And at this time of year there was always one who would write the following onto the rear door.

Merry Christmas to all my readers!