Tuesday, October 14, 2008


How does one start up a "think tank"? It seems as if virtually anyone can set themselves up as one and then publish their opinions - and the really weird thing is that respected newspapers will publish the output of such think tanks as newsworthy.

Forum for the Future, a research body committed to sustainable development, said they wanted to stir debate about how to avert the worst effects of global warming by presenting a radical set of 'possible futures'.

Which included such things as the population of the Antarctic increasing to 3.5 million by 2040. Are they aware that the Antarctic is getting colder and snowier? Do they really think that millions of Aussies are going to abandon the delights of Sydney for a frozen wilderness?

Australia and Oklahoma will be abandoned because of water shortages and athletes will stay at home in the world's first virtual Olympics, competing against each other in virtual space with billions of spectators.

Honestly, why does anyone take this garbage seriously? However, if they can do it so can I. So I am announcing the inauguration of a brand new think tank principally aimed at considering England's future. It will be a completely online think tank so the name I have chosen for this new research body is England's Future - Online Forum - to be known as EF-OF.

To get the ball rolling EF-OF have produced the following report into climate change and its effects on England

If our climate continues to change the way it has been for the last couple of years some people are going to look very very silly indeed. EF-OF believe that it is going to get colder. Thousands of immigrants will leave the country as they head off back to warmer climes and more reliable power supply in nations such as Zimbabwe, Somalia and Sudan.

England will introduce a system whereby using too much power will result in appliances shutting down automatically. This system will be known as "power cuts" and will kick-in without warning and at the most inconvenient time - i.e. just when people actually need power.

This will have significant economic benefits as the onset of severe cold coupled with shortage of power will result in the deaths of millions of elderly and vulnerable people thereby saving the nation billions in pension and health care costs. This will be necessary, of course, as the lack of power will mean there will be virtually no economy worth talking about. What there is will be working three day weeks and spending what little money they have on life's little luxuries - like food.

If you want to know the future - EF-OF.

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